I was feeling a little nostalgic today and decided to reread the blog from the beginning. I am so glad we wrote these things down. It really made me smile, especially reading about Nurse Jo doing her first shot and Nurse Ann fanning Nurse Jo so she wouldn't have a hot flash, and Kelly taking the pictures.
Even though the ending was sad, it was a good experience for everyone, I think. And I am glad we did it.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Friday, October 9, 2009
How the story ends
I really don't want to write this post because I really hate what I have to write. As you all already know, we lost Baby Jane last week. She was 9 weeks + 1 day in the making, and as most of you suspected, she was actually a HE!
It's not that we are necessarily surprised. After all, we knew the risk of miscarriage was high. It's just that we had turned a corner in week 8, and we were so hopeful. It just came at a time when we weren't expecting it. Silly me, I told a lot of people after Baby Jane caught up in size. You never tell before the 12th week, everybody knows that! I just couldn't contain myself.
We had a D&C on Thursday and it was mostly uneventful, although the nurse told me I had trouble falling asleep and they had to sedate me more heavily than they originally planned. The doctors and nurses were so patient with me and kind. My doctor has exceptionally good bedside manner. He looked so hurt for us when he told us what was happening. Bless him.
They sent Baby Jane away for chromosomal testing to determine what went wrong. We got the results yesterday that Baby Jane was a normal, healthy boy. There was nothing wrong with him. He was perfect. He was 1 inch long and he had little hands and little feet and little ears.
Which means, it was me. My body did something wrong. I don't believe I did anything intentionally to hurt the baby, but no matter how you spin it, you can't argue with the fact that it was my fault we lost the baby. (I can hear the lectures cranking up already!)
The doctor wants to test me for clotting and auto immune disorders. Maybe a blood clot developed in the placenta and cut off his blood supply. Maybe my body attacked him like a virus.
For me, this is the worst possible result. I don't think I can ever trust myself to try again.
I did some research, and the treatment for clotting disorders is to take baby aspirin during the pregnancy, which I did. And if my body is just going to attack the baby, of course I am never going to risk it again. And what if it's neither of these things? Then it's unexplained, and I would never risk hurting another baby.
For Kelly, we got the best result possible. To him it means we are able create a perfectly healthy baby together. And he believes we can find a way to create a nurturing home for a healthy baby to grow in. I admire his strength and faith.
I am currently 'detoxing'. We have to wait 6 weeks before running any further tests. I guess it's a good idea to go ahead and do the tests to see if we can get some answers. But then again, I thought it was a good idea to do the chromosomal testing on the fetus, but I was never more distraught than when they told me he was a perfectly healthy little boy.
It's not that we are necessarily surprised. After all, we knew the risk of miscarriage was high. It's just that we had turned a corner in week 8, and we were so hopeful. It just came at a time when we weren't expecting it. Silly me, I told a lot of people after Baby Jane caught up in size. You never tell before the 12th week, everybody knows that! I just couldn't contain myself.
We had a D&C on Thursday and it was mostly uneventful, although the nurse told me I had trouble falling asleep and they had to sedate me more heavily than they originally planned. The doctors and nurses were so patient with me and kind. My doctor has exceptionally good bedside manner. He looked so hurt for us when he told us what was happening. Bless him.
They sent Baby Jane away for chromosomal testing to determine what went wrong. We got the results yesterday that Baby Jane was a normal, healthy boy. There was nothing wrong with him. He was perfect. He was 1 inch long and he had little hands and little feet and little ears.
Which means, it was me. My body did something wrong. I don't believe I did anything intentionally to hurt the baby, but no matter how you spin it, you can't argue with the fact that it was my fault we lost the baby. (I can hear the lectures cranking up already!)
The doctor wants to test me for clotting and auto immune disorders. Maybe a blood clot developed in the placenta and cut off his blood supply. Maybe my body attacked him like a virus.
For me, this is the worst possible result. I don't think I can ever trust myself to try again.
I did some research, and the treatment for clotting disorders is to take baby aspirin during the pregnancy, which I did. And if my body is just going to attack the baby, of course I am never going to risk it again. And what if it's neither of these things? Then it's unexplained, and I would never risk hurting another baby.
For Kelly, we got the best result possible. To him it means we are able create a perfectly healthy baby together. And he believes we can find a way to create a nurturing home for a healthy baby to grow in. I admire his strength and faith.
I am currently 'detoxing'. We have to wait 6 weeks before running any further tests. I guess it's a good idea to go ahead and do the tests to see if we can get some answers. But then again, I thought it was a good idea to do the chromosomal testing on the fetus, but I was never more distraught than when they told me he was a perfectly healthy little boy.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Grow, baby, grow!
Man, have we got an awesome group of prayer warriors or what?! It's a miracle! Baby Jane is catching up!
It feels so nice to get good news for a change. Yesterday's appointment was one of the best yet. Baby Jane is now only 3 days behind in size, and that puts her within the 'normal' range.
Last week she was 0.5 cm long, and this week she is 1.5 cm, so she tripled in size this week. WOW, that is so cool to me.
And her heart is beating 167 times per minute, which is perfect. I was amazed that my doctor was able to look at the little fuzzy dot on the screen and see a flicker (which I still can't see unless they zoom way in) and guess that the heart was beating 160-170 times per minute. How could he guess so precisely? Amazing.
We've got to go in next Wednesday for one more ultra sound just to make sure things are still on track. In the meantime I am staying on all my medicine just to play it safe.
It almost feels official to me.
Thank you all for praying so hard this week. We love you all!
It feels so nice to get good news for a change. Yesterday's appointment was one of the best yet. Baby Jane is now only 3 days behind in size, and that puts her within the 'normal' range.
Last week she was 0.5 cm long, and this week she is 1.5 cm, so she tripled in size this week. WOW, that is so cool to me.
And her heart is beating 167 times per minute, which is perfect. I was amazed that my doctor was able to look at the little fuzzy dot on the screen and see a flicker (which I still can't see unless they zoom way in) and guess that the heart was beating 160-170 times per minute. How could he guess so precisely? Amazing.
We've got to go in next Wednesday for one more ultra sound just to make sure things are still on track. In the meantime I am staying on all my medicine just to play it safe.
It almost feels official to me.
Thank you all for praying so hard this week. We love you all!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Tinkle, tinkle little star
Just a quick post to say that my bloodwork from yesterday came back "perfect" and my urine sample showed no bacteria or protein. It did, however, have some ketones in it, and the nurse called me to tell me to drink more water.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am already getting up to pee 4 times during the night, and they want me to drink more? I'll do it, obviously, but geez, I can't stay off the pot these days :)
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am already getting up to pee 4 times during the night, and they want me to drink more? I'll do it, obviously, but geez, I can't stay off the pot these days :)
Monday, September 14, 2009
118 bpm
We heard the heart beat! Baby Jane's heart is beating 118 times per minute. Anything over 100 bpm is good, so it's right on track.
However, there is a little bit of bad news. Baby Jane is a runt! She's only 0.5 cm long which is about the size of 6 weeks + 2 days, not 7 weeks + 1 day. The normal range of growth allows a baby to lag behind about 3 days, but we're more like 6 days behind, and that's not good.
The doctor said it's a "soft" sign, not a "hard" sign, because at that small size there could be an error in the ultra sound reading. We're going back next Monday to have another ultra sound, so this week I need you all to pray for a growth spurt.
The doctor said if the heart beat had not been good, then the 2 factors together would have meant the end.
After getting pregnant through IVF, at least at my clinic, the average rate of miscarriage is 10%. When the baby is small at the first ultra sound, that rate increases to 50%. But that also means there's a 50% chance everything is fine. Let's stay positive.
I did ask if there was anything I could do, and he said what's done is done. There is nothing I could do or not do at this point to help Baby Jane along.
I was hoping I could get off some of my meds today, but we were only able to switch them around a bit. I am going to stop the unmentionable one and increase the amount of progesterone I am taking in the shots to 2cc per day. That's a LOT considering it already takes (feels like) 10 minutes for Kelly to drain 1cc from the needle. Still, it's way better than the unmentionable.
Oh, one more thing, the doctor said because I am on progesterone there will be no symptoms if I miscarry; no bleeding, no cramping. I guess the progesterone continually tells your body it's pregnant and to keep going. The way we will find out is by looking at the ultra sound to see if that the baby has stopped growing or that the heart has stopped beating.
Here comes another "longest week of my life".
However, there is a little bit of bad news. Baby Jane is a runt! She's only 0.5 cm long which is about the size of 6 weeks + 2 days, not 7 weeks + 1 day. The normal range of growth allows a baby to lag behind about 3 days, but we're more like 6 days behind, and that's not good.
The doctor said it's a "soft" sign, not a "hard" sign, because at that small size there could be an error in the ultra sound reading. We're going back next Monday to have another ultra sound, so this week I need you all to pray for a growth spurt.
The doctor said if the heart beat had not been good, then the 2 factors together would have meant the end.
After getting pregnant through IVF, at least at my clinic, the average rate of miscarriage is 10%. When the baby is small at the first ultra sound, that rate increases to 50%. But that also means there's a 50% chance everything is fine. Let's stay positive.
I did ask if there was anything I could do, and he said what's done is done. There is nothing I could do or not do at this point to help Baby Jane along.
I was hoping I could get off some of my meds today, but we were only able to switch them around a bit. I am going to stop the unmentionable one and increase the amount of progesterone I am taking in the shots to 2cc per day. That's a LOT considering it already takes (feels like) 10 minutes for Kelly to drain 1cc from the needle. Still, it's way better than the unmentionable.
Oh, one more thing, the doctor said because I am on progesterone there will be no symptoms if I miscarry; no bleeding, no cramping. I guess the progesterone continually tells your body it's pregnant and to keep going. The way we will find out is by looking at the ultra sound to see if that the baby has stopped growing or that the heart has stopped beating.
Here comes another "longest week of my life".
Monday, August 31, 2009
Due date
One more update for today......
The nurse called this afternoon to say that my bloodwork looks good, and that they want me to stay on my meds until my next ultra sound, and then they will start weening me off all the hormones.
I am 5 weeks along. Actually 5 weeks plus 1 day. And that's because they count from the day you started your last period, not from the actual conception or implantation date. That makes our due date April 30th. The date may change based on all the measurements they will take in the upcoming ultra sound. That's going to be on September 14th, by the way. We'll get to see the heartbeat!
Anyway, I am taking it easy for the next 2 weeks because I have to grow a heart! How cool is that?!
The nurse called this afternoon to say that my bloodwork looks good, and that they want me to stay on my meds until my next ultra sound, and then they will start weening me off all the hormones.
I am 5 weeks along. Actually 5 weeks plus 1 day. And that's because they count from the day you started your last period, not from the actual conception or implantation date. That makes our due date April 30th. The date may change based on all the measurements they will take in the upcoming ultra sound. That's going to be on September 14th, by the way. We'll get to see the heartbeat!
Anyway, I am taking it easy for the next 2 weeks because I have to grow a heart! How cool is that?!
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