One more update for today......
The nurse called this afternoon to say that my bloodwork looks good, and that they want me to stay on my meds until my next ultra sound, and then they will start weening me off all the hormones.
I am 5 weeks along. Actually 5 weeks plus 1 day. And that's because they count from the day you started your last period, not from the actual conception or implantation date. That makes our due date April 30th. The date may change based on all the measurements they will take in the upcoming ultra sound. That's going to be on September 14th, by the way. We'll get to see the heartbeat!
Anyway, I am taking it easy for the next 2 weeks because I have to grow a heart! How cool is that?!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Close call
Warning, this may be too graphic for some.
We had a lot going on this weekend, and I did several things Kelly did not approve of. First, I went to the grocery store and lifted a tray of bottled water by myself, and a watermelon. We also went to a concert, and I stood up for a lot of it and cheered and (according to Kelly) jumped up and down too much. I don't remember doing any jumping; I would say it was more like bobbing than jumping, but okay, I moved around a lot. We also had company this weekend, including 3 kids, and I lifted them as well.
I did not feel any pain or cramping until Sunday night, and when I was taking the clothes out of the dryer I just felt like something was not right. And in the night I had some bleeding, including a sizable clot, which I dug out of the pot to inspect. (I told you this might be graphic!) It contained some white tissue looking stuff within the blood and I was positive it was Baby Jane. This was at 3:30 am and I was up all night crying and convincing myself I had lost the baby.
Fortunately, we had a doctor's appointment this morning anyway. When we got there I, of course, burst into tears, but the doctor reassured me it was probably nothing to be worried about, and that 50% of women have first tri-mester bleeding, and even the white tissue looking stuff probably had an explanation.
We did an ultra sound, and there it was, a little gestational sac still stuck to the wall of my uterus. Just one, not multiples. We were so, so, SO relieved! The doctor said I have to take it easy, and Kelly has already given me the "I told you so" lecture. I promise to listen to him 100% from now on, and if he wants to do all the housework and lifting, then I am going to let him.
The doctor told me to take it especially easy over the next 7-10 days. He could see the spot that was bleeding in my uterus when we did the ultra sound, and he said there may be more, but don't worry unless it gets heavy or is accompanied by a lot of pain.
The doctor also referred to my being 5 weeks along. I can't figure out that math, but going with that figure, I should have a due date around the last week of April. I still don't have an official due date, or any more appointments for that matter. Everything happens one step at a time. They will call me this afternoon with my blood test results and tell me what the next step is. It's going to be a long 9 months, I can already tell.
We had a lot going on this weekend, and I did several things Kelly did not approve of. First, I went to the grocery store and lifted a tray of bottled water by myself, and a watermelon. We also went to a concert, and I stood up for a lot of it and cheered and (according to Kelly) jumped up and down too much. I don't remember doing any jumping; I would say it was more like bobbing than jumping, but okay, I moved around a lot. We also had company this weekend, including 3 kids, and I lifted them as well.
I did not feel any pain or cramping until Sunday night, and when I was taking the clothes out of the dryer I just felt like something was not right. And in the night I had some bleeding, including a sizable clot, which I dug out of the pot to inspect. (I told you this might be graphic!) It contained some white tissue looking stuff within the blood and I was positive it was Baby Jane. This was at 3:30 am and I was up all night crying and convincing myself I had lost the baby.
Fortunately, we had a doctor's appointment this morning anyway. When we got there I, of course, burst into tears, but the doctor reassured me it was probably nothing to be worried about, and that 50% of women have first tri-mester bleeding, and even the white tissue looking stuff probably had an explanation.
We did an ultra sound, and there it was, a little gestational sac still stuck to the wall of my uterus. Just one, not multiples. We were so, so, SO relieved! The doctor said I have to take it easy, and Kelly has already given me the "I told you so" lecture. I promise to listen to him 100% from now on, and if he wants to do all the housework and lifting, then I am going to let him.
The doctor told me to take it especially easy over the next 7-10 days. He could see the spot that was bleeding in my uterus when we did the ultra sound, and he said there may be more, but don't worry unless it gets heavy or is accompanied by a lot of pain.
The doctor also referred to my being 5 weeks along. I can't figure out that math, but going with that figure, I should have a due date around the last week of April. I still don't have an official due date, or any more appointments for that matter. Everything happens one step at a time. They will call me this afternoon with my blood test results and tell me what the next step is. It's going to be a long 9 months, I can already tell.
Monday, August 24, 2009
BINGO!
You know when you play bingo and you're always just 1 number away but you never win? And then there's that one moment when they call your last number and you're thinking, "did I hear that right?" and sit there and just keep thinking "that's not possible, have I just won?!"
That's what I feel like right now.
We just got the call from our doctor, first to scold me because he heard I had cheated and taken an at-home test, and second to inform us that the test was wrong, and that I am indeed PREGNANT! Holy cow, what did he just say? Did I hear that right?
Kelly actually took the call. I was too scared to answer the phone. I ran into the bedroom and prepared for meltdown. Then I heard him say, "THAT'S FANTASTIC," and those of you who know Kelly can totally imagine hearing him say that.
I am absolutely STUNNED. I really, really expected to get a negative result today. I cannot believe this whole process has actually worked. I really, really can't believe that God has decided it's time for me to be a mommy.
That's what I feel like right now.
We just got the call from our doctor, first to scold me because he heard I had cheated and taken an at-home test, and second to inform us that the test was wrong, and that I am indeed PREGNANT! Holy cow, what did he just say? Did I hear that right?
Kelly actually took the call. I was too scared to answer the phone. I ran into the bedroom and prepared for meltdown. Then I heard him say, "THAT'S FANTASTIC," and those of you who know Kelly can totally imagine hearing him say that.
I am absolutely STUNNED. I really, really expected to get a negative result today. I cannot believe this whole process has actually worked. I really, really can't believe that God has decided it's time for me to be a mommy.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Twas the night before Christmas...
I feel sure there will be no sleeping in this house tonight. Our appointment for a pregnancy test is at 8am tomorrow morning. And I am pretty sure they'll take the whole day to call us back with the results.
From reading others' stories I am prepared for three possible answers: yes, no, or we're not really sure. They might detect some hCG in my blood but not enough to be sure of a pregnancy, so I might have to go in again for a few more days to test and make sure the level is increasing. The thought of being in suspense longer just makes my head spin.
Last night I had some very bad (wake you up in the middle of the night) cramps. The pain was very obviously in one spot on the right side, very low down, not near my ovaries and not really where I normally feel menstrual cramps. I am also pretty sure it was worse when I laid on my left side.
So I am imagining a little embryo is stuck on the right wall of my uterus and it didn't want me to lay on my left side where the gravity would try to pull it away from it's home on the wall. Sounds scientifically possible, right?
That about sums it up right there, over-analyzing every twinge, imagining the best and the worst. This waiting really is the absolute worst part of this whole process.
From reading others' stories I am prepared for three possible answers: yes, no, or we're not really sure. They might detect some hCG in my blood but not enough to be sure of a pregnancy, so I might have to go in again for a few more days to test and make sure the level is increasing. The thought of being in suspense longer just makes my head spin.
Last night I had some very bad (wake you up in the middle of the night) cramps. The pain was very obviously in one spot on the right side, very low down, not near my ovaries and not really where I normally feel menstrual cramps. I am also pretty sure it was worse when I laid on my left side.
So I am imagining a little embryo is stuck on the right wall of my uterus and it didn't want me to lay on my left side where the gravity would try to pull it away from it's home on the wall. Sounds scientifically possible, right?
That about sums it up right there, over-analyzing every twinge, imagining the best and the worst. This waiting really is the absolute worst part of this whole process.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
"Between the wish and the thing lies waiting"
I just have one thing to say about the 9 embryos that did not survive.
I am determined not to entertain any feelings of disappointment or regret this week. One thing I know for sure is that stress is the worst possible thing for the 3 embryos swimming around inside me right now.
That's it.
Now, I am going to give you some stats on the 3 embryos that were transferred. On day 3 they like to see 6-10 cells developed and less vs. more fragmentation. Fragmentation of 30-40% is bad. And having fewer than 6 cells is bad.
We transferred an 8-cell, a 7-cell, and a 6-cell embryo, all of which had 10-20% fragmentation.
Another way to look at this is to use a 4 point scale, kind of like grades you get in school.
A 4+ is perfect, followed by a 4, and then a 4-. After that comes 3+, 3, and 3- and so on. Get it?
All three of ours were graded as 3+.
The reason we rushed in for a transfer on day 3 instead of waiting until day 5 was because only 3 embryos were in the "good" range on day 3, and to let them grow in the dish for 2 more days would have increased our risk of losing them. Amazingly, embryos grow better in their natural environment. Duh.
Since we went in on Wednesday instead of Friday I was not able to have my normal doctor for the transfer. So far my doctor has done neither my retrieval nor my transfer. He did do my surgery, though. And I am sure that all 4 doctors at CCRM are quite capable. Actually, my doctor is the newbie, and the 2 I've had for retrieval and transfer are the founders.
My current drug routine is as follows:
1. Progesterone in sesame oil shots in the morning. I have only accidentally seen the needle one time. As long as I don't see the needle, I really can't feel the difference in it and the smaller needles we had before.
2. Vivelle patches, four, every other day.
3. Baby aspirin, one every morning.
4. Estradiol pills (2mg) twice a day, morning and night.
5. Pre-natal vitamins every morning.
6. And one other unmentionable that turned out not to be as bad as I thought it would be, but I am still not going to describe it here.
I have not really had any symptoms yet. I had a scare on Monday...bad cramps, thought I was starting a period. Turns out I only needed to have a poo :) I felt way better once that was done.
Speaking of periods, I am due to start tomorrow. Hopefully I won't!
The only other symptom I have had is breast tenderness, and it only started today. It is probably being caused by all the estrogen I am taking. The same thing happened during the retrieval when my estrogen levels were sky-rocketing.
I can say that these 2 weeks have been (are) the longest two weeks of my life. Monday cannot come soon enough.
I am determined not to entertain any feelings of disappointment or regret this week. One thing I know for sure is that stress is the worst possible thing for the 3 embryos swimming around inside me right now.
That's it.
Now, I am going to give you some stats on the 3 embryos that were transferred. On day 3 they like to see 6-10 cells developed and less vs. more fragmentation. Fragmentation of 30-40% is bad. And having fewer than 6 cells is bad.
We transferred an 8-cell, a 7-cell, and a 6-cell embryo, all of which had 10-20% fragmentation.
Another way to look at this is to use a 4 point scale, kind of like grades you get in school.
A 4+ is perfect, followed by a 4, and then a 4-. After that comes 3+, 3, and 3- and so on. Get it?
All three of ours were graded as 3+.
The reason we rushed in for a transfer on day 3 instead of waiting until day 5 was because only 3 embryos were in the "good" range on day 3, and to let them grow in the dish for 2 more days would have increased our risk of losing them. Amazingly, embryos grow better in their natural environment. Duh.
Since we went in on Wednesday instead of Friday I was not able to have my normal doctor for the transfer. So far my doctor has done neither my retrieval nor my transfer. He did do my surgery, though. And I am sure that all 4 doctors at CCRM are quite capable. Actually, my doctor is the newbie, and the 2 I've had for retrieval and transfer are the founders.
My current drug routine is as follows:
1. Progesterone in sesame oil shots in the morning. I have only accidentally seen the needle one time. As long as I don't see the needle, I really can't feel the difference in it and the smaller needles we had before.
2. Vivelle patches, four, every other day.
3. Baby aspirin, one every morning.
4. Estradiol pills (2mg) twice a day, morning and night.
5. Pre-natal vitamins every morning.
6. And one other unmentionable that turned out not to be as bad as I thought it would be, but I am still not going to describe it here.
I have not really had any symptoms yet. I had a scare on Monday...bad cramps, thought I was starting a period. Turns out I only needed to have a poo :) I felt way better once that was done.
Speaking of periods, I am due to start tomorrow. Hopefully I won't!
The only other symptom I have had is breast tenderness, and it only started today. It is probably being caused by all the estrogen I am taking. The same thing happened during the retrieval when my estrogen levels were sky-rocketing.
I can say that these 2 weeks have been (are) the longest two weeks of my life. Monday cannot come soon enough.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Well its day 3 after the transfer and Amy's already a bit stir crazy having to take it easy laying around the house. Not sure if the cravings are supposed to start this early...but I've already made two runs to the Panarea Bread Company in the past 24 hours....
We found out today that the other nine embryos did not make it to 'blast' stage. Amy is taking it pretty hard that they did not make it. I feel we were blessed to have three that were ready for the transfer. I hope all goes well with the three. The doctor said there's a 5% chance that we will end up with triplets. We'll have to wait and see.
Next big milestone is August 24th with the pregnancy test.
We found out today that the other nine embryos did not make it to 'blast' stage. Amy is taking it pretty hard that they did not make it. I feel we were blessed to have three that were ready for the transfer. I hope all goes well with the three. The doctor said there's a 5% chance that we will end up with triplets. We'll have to wait and see.
Next big milestone is August 24th with the pregnancy test.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Amy, Amy or Elizabeth?
Wednesday morning we get a call from the doctor to come to in for the transfer in three hours!!! The procedure was originally scheduled for Friday, but three of the embryos were ready NOW!
We dropped everything and rushed to the hospital. Once there, we checked in and after a quick blood test was escorted to the room where we waited for the transfer.
We were a little bit nervous when the nurse asked "which Amy are you ?"............apparently there were two Amy's having transfers done at the same time.......even more concerning when we got to the room and saw Elizabeth was the name on the door! The nurse assured us that everything is triple checked to make sure we did not wind up with someone elses kids.. :)
Once in the room, the nurse went through the instructions for post procedure (bed rest, continue on medications, no exercises/anything that might cause over heating, etc), then gave Amy a pill to relax..... :)
Then the doctor came in and talked about what had happened......the 12 embryos were thawed and they were watching them carefully. It was apparent that 3 of them stood out as the best of the bunch and that the others were not doing so good. Rather than wait, they decided to move forward quickly with the three best ones.
The embryologist wheeled in a cart with that doubles for one of those premature baby carts used in the hospital (covered, controled temperature, etc)....only with a glass dish in the center. She clicked on the display screen above the cart and there they were.....three groups of cells (8, 7 and 6). Pretty amazing.........
The doctor took the position, the nurse and we were watching the ultrasound picture of the uterus and the embryologist carefully placed the embryos into a syringe with a long tube at the end. The doctor placed the embryos into Amy's uterus as we watched....and then they were there...a small white spec on the screen. The total procedure took about 10 minutes.
Amy reclined with feet higher than her head....and she rested/slept for an hour before we were released to go home.
Once home, it was strict bed rest. We did watch one of her favourite shows, Mama Mia...which was probably a mistake....all I could do to keep her from dancing....must stay calm......
She can start getting back to normal activity on Friday.
We go to the doctor's office on August 24th for a pregnancy test.
We dropped everything and rushed to the hospital. Once there, we checked in and after a quick blood test was escorted to the room where we waited for the transfer.
We were a little bit nervous when the nurse asked "which Amy are you ?"............apparently there were two Amy's having transfers done at the same time.......even more concerning when we got to the room and saw Elizabeth was the name on the door! The nurse assured us that everything is triple checked to make sure we did not wind up with someone elses kids.. :)
Once in the room, the nurse went through the instructions for post procedure (bed rest, continue on medications, no exercises/anything that might cause over heating, etc), then gave Amy a pill to relax..... :)
Then the doctor came in and talked about what had happened......the 12 embryos were thawed and they were watching them carefully. It was apparent that 3 of them stood out as the best of the bunch and that the others were not doing so good. Rather than wait, they decided to move forward quickly with the three best ones.
The embryologist wheeled in a cart with that doubles for one of those premature baby carts used in the hospital (covered, controled temperature, etc)....only with a glass dish in the center. She clicked on the display screen above the cart and there they were.....three groups of cells (8, 7 and 6). Pretty amazing.........
The doctor took the position, the nurse and we were watching the ultrasound picture of the uterus and the embryologist carefully placed the embryos into a syringe with a long tube at the end. The doctor placed the embryos into Amy's uterus as we watched....and then they were there...a small white spec on the screen. The total procedure took about 10 minutes.
Amy reclined with feet higher than her head....and she rested/slept for an hour before we were released to go home.
Once home, it was strict bed rest. We did watch one of her favourite shows, Mama Mia...which was probably a mistake....all I could do to keep her from dancing....must stay calm......
She can start getting back to normal activity on Friday.
We go to the doctor's office on August 24th for a pregnancy test.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
On again, off again
I got a couple of calls on Monday from the nurses who were reviewing my charts and wondering what to do about this fluid in my lining. My progesterone level was good on Monday, but everyone was still distressed about the estrogen level and the fluid.
So, rather than wait until Thursday, they had me come in this morning to do another ultra sound and check my estrogen level once again, hoping something had changed.
I knew I would know right away about the fluid because you can see it right on the screen if it's there. But today it was NOT there, YAY!
We don't know what caused it, and we don't know what caused it to go away, but it's gone now, and we're on again for Friday!
Oddly enough, my lining has thinned out since Saturday. It's now just over 9mm, compared to 11mm on Saturday. I haven't had a period, so I can't think of any way that could have happened.
I am starting to suspect that none of this in an exact science.
Oh yeah, my estrogen level was a whopping 331 today.
The only part still in motion is the embryology stuff, and I didn't get a call from them today to tell me how it's going. I am assuming that's a good sign and that nothing 'unusual' is going on. See how positive I can be? :)
So, rather than wait until Thursday, they had me come in this morning to do another ultra sound and check my estrogen level once again, hoping something had changed.
I knew I would know right away about the fluid because you can see it right on the screen if it's there. But today it was NOT there, YAY!
We don't know what caused it, and we don't know what caused it to go away, but it's gone now, and we're on again for Friday!
Oddly enough, my lining has thinned out since Saturday. It's now just over 9mm, compared to 11mm on Saturday. I haven't had a period, so I can't think of any way that could have happened.
I am starting to suspect that none of this in an exact science.
Oh yeah, my estrogen level was a whopping 331 today.
The only part still in motion is the embryology stuff, and I didn't get a call from them today to tell me how it's going. I am assuming that's a good sign and that nothing 'unusual' is going on. See how positive I can be? :)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Too many moving parts
If anyone can make this more complicated than it needs to be, it's me!
Yesterday we had an ultra sound and my lining looked good at 11mm. They like it to be 8-10mm, and I mentioned to the technician that last time my lining got too thick and we had to call off the transfer. She assured me that 11mm was still 'good'.
And then she spotted some fluid in my lining. She measured it from about 5 different angles and said it was only a tiny bit, but that fluid in the lining is a reason not to do a transfer. The nurse also confirmed it was only a tiny spot and it could disappear during the week. She would ask the doctor what he wanted to do about it.
I just love those 'go home and wait' days.
Later in the afternoon the nurse called back and said she wanted me to go ahead and start taking my shots and the other meds, and I need to go in for another ultra sound on Wednesday or Thursday to see what's happening with the fluid and make a final go or no-go decision then.
Further, they want my estrogen level to be >300 by now and mine was 76. So I have started taking estrogen pills while I continue using the patches as well, 2mg twice a day.
I am also starting Tetracycline (antibiotics) and Medrol (steroid).
We did the first progesterone shot this morning...not bad. Dr. Kelly has really gotten good at it! I have one more 'thing' to start tonight, and I am really excited about it, let me tell you.
All that to say, now the timing is off. They will start thawing our embryos tomorrow and growing them to reach day 5 by Friday, but what if, on Thursday, they tell me it's a no-go because of the fluid in my lining?
Why do I feel like I am going to have the 'I told you so' conversation with my doctor soon?
Yesterday we had an ultra sound and my lining looked good at 11mm. They like it to be 8-10mm, and I mentioned to the technician that last time my lining got too thick and we had to call off the transfer. She assured me that 11mm was still 'good'.
And then she spotted some fluid in my lining. She measured it from about 5 different angles and said it was only a tiny bit, but that fluid in the lining is a reason not to do a transfer. The nurse also confirmed it was only a tiny spot and it could disappear during the week. She would ask the doctor what he wanted to do about it.
I just love those 'go home and wait' days.
Later in the afternoon the nurse called back and said she wanted me to go ahead and start taking my shots and the other meds, and I need to go in for another ultra sound on Wednesday or Thursday to see what's happening with the fluid and make a final go or no-go decision then.
Further, they want my estrogen level to be >300 by now and mine was 76. So I have started taking estrogen pills while I continue using the patches as well, 2mg twice a day.
I am also starting Tetracycline (antibiotics) and Medrol (steroid).
We did the first progesterone shot this morning...not bad. Dr. Kelly has really gotten good at it! I have one more 'thing' to start tonight, and I am really excited about it, let me tell you.
All that to say, now the timing is off. They will start thawing our embryos tomorrow and growing them to reach day 5 by Friday, but what if, on Thursday, they tell me it's a no-go because of the fluid in my lining?
Why do I feel like I am going to have the 'I told you so' conversation with my doctor soon?
Friday, August 7, 2009
Isn't there a song about Patches?
Today I am wearing 3 iridescent, rectangle shaped patches, about 2 inches long and 1 inch wide each, on my right shoulder blade at the back. They actually take up less space than I imagined. I have been wearing the patches on my belly which, oddly enough, was less itchy and irritating than the back. I can't wait to get these off. Tomorrow I get to put on 4 patches, and then my dosage will change based on the results of my next ultra sound.
Tomorrow's ultra sound is the make it or break it point for this cycle. If I am all clear, assuming the embryos survive thawing and growing a few more days in the dish, then the FET is definitely happening.
I am not excited about starting shots again, especially not these 'fat' ones. We went in to sign some more consents on Monday and the nurse wanted to make sure I knew what to expect. She said these shots were going to hurt and that I would be on them for at least 6 weeks. Yay...
Monday they will thaw our 1 day old embryos. We have 7 of those. And on Tuesday they will thaw our 2 day old embryos. We have 5 of those. Then all 12 will grow together until they are 5 day old blastocysts by Friday. Day 5 is normally when, in a natural pregnancy, the embryo reaches the uterus and starts looking for a home.
We will have 'assisted hatching' which means they will nick the outer layer of the embryo to help it attach. Apparently, when you freeze an embryo the outer layer gets hard and that makes it difficult to implant. More sci-fi weirdness that I was not fully prepared for.
There should be an embryology report every day next week as they grade the quality and watch the embryos grow or (please don't let this happen) stop growing. This will be the hardest part of this whole process for me because, as far as I am concerned, each one of the embryos is a life that has been created, and if they stop growing (or die) at this stage......
Well, they are in an unnatural place, and I put them there intentionally, knowing it would not be the safest place for them and that not all of them would survive. I am not sure how I will react, but I will most surely have to face it next week.
Tomorrow's ultra sound is the make it or break it point for this cycle. If I am all clear, assuming the embryos survive thawing and growing a few more days in the dish, then the FET is definitely happening.
I am not excited about starting shots again, especially not these 'fat' ones. We went in to sign some more consents on Monday and the nurse wanted to make sure I knew what to expect. She said these shots were going to hurt and that I would be on them for at least 6 weeks. Yay...
Monday they will thaw our 1 day old embryos. We have 7 of those. And on Tuesday they will thaw our 2 day old embryos. We have 5 of those. Then all 12 will grow together until they are 5 day old blastocysts by Friday. Day 5 is normally when, in a natural pregnancy, the embryo reaches the uterus and starts looking for a home.
We will have 'assisted hatching' which means they will nick the outer layer of the embryo to help it attach. Apparently, when you freeze an embryo the outer layer gets hard and that makes it difficult to implant. More sci-fi weirdness that I was not fully prepared for.
There should be an embryology report every day next week as they grade the quality and watch the embryos grow or (please don't let this happen) stop growing. This will be the hardest part of this whole process for me because, as far as I am concerned, each one of the embryos is a life that has been created, and if they stop growing (or die) at this stage......
Well, they are in an unnatural place, and I put them there intentionally, knowing it would not be the safest place for them and that not all of them would survive. I am not sure how I will react, but I will most surely have to face it next week.
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